Let Fishes Swim, Let Birds Fly

                                           
One fine day,

When I returned from college, all the happy feelings in me became dependent, all those fears resurfaced and imaginations ran faster than Mr. Bolt. The afternoon was long and kept reminding me of the shocks to bear from the upcoming day. I knew nothing of  my surroundings, I woke up in the evening by the loud voices of laughter from Mr. Aggarawal, my dad.  After a quick decision in mind, I moved towards my college bag, reached for my GRADE CARD.The plan A was that dad's happiness is indirectly proportional to the scoldings I get, so maybe I get by easily. Plan B was to wish that plan A was a huge success. He was happy right now...the after effects of the forthcoming earthquake would be a bit less...I thought let's go and with quick short steps got rid of the curtain that led to the hall to see....seated in the domain of my eyes were, Mr. and Mrs sinha...our beloved guests for the day. I looked at them, they looked at me  "Great! we have an audience for critical acclaim now" I thought. A bewildered and traumatized me with goosebumps bumping all over the body.....and gulping all those expressions within I stood forth our guests who glued their eyes to the report card that I held in my trembling hands...Dad said "Tarun..is that your report card?...come on let's see your scores" A hundred hopes were piercing through me and me as always was again  guilty of being charged as the 'peace destroyer' and the 'mother spoilt' kid of the house. The moment came. I wanted mom to suddenly interrupt and say that let's have dinner first...I wanted rats to have their dinner with my report card in dessert ... I wanted  Rubeus Hagrid to break into my house and take me away like in harry potter, but nothing happened...here he was..with gleaming eyes looking forward to open that powerful piece of sheet and give an unexpected range of expressions. Mr. and Mrs. Sinha sat there trying to peep into that card as if it was the prettiest piece of art...and there goes that engaging smile from his face. Pin drop silence occupied that room. It was the silence before the storm. My mom looked at me and with concern filled eyes raised her eyebrows..trying to ask me .."My dear boy! plz tell me you're not failing...I'll make you your favorite dish" . My sister sat there looking at her dad with her scared  little eyes...which made me feel no better...he closed the card handed it to me, and said nothing...I knew it meant "let's deal with you when the Sinha's go away"..Sinha's got the idea and left early and I knew that the moment Sinha's are gone a husky voice will call out "Tarun beta! come here". The war of words was about  to begin. The old TV with NDTV on it blared with weather report guy in the television speaking.."The sky was clear until yesterday but there are chances of a storm in the upcoming days" ..the bewildered audience that is my mom and sis...were ordered not to speak...and the father and son , me with a bigger height and smaller courage faced each other waiting for the one with more courage to speak...he said..

MR.aggarwal: Where did I go wrong, son? Are you short of the study material...is there a subject that's troubling you?...You know what reputation a doctor carries ...medical stream requires  a lot of hard work..you chose this stream, didn't you?

Flash back:

All other streams were carved out saying " Son, I have a lot of friends in this field, getting a job will be easy, You like badminton its fine...keep trying but there is no scope..at all.I would love you to take this branch..but then it's your life your decision." and the decision was made. That night a loving father spoke out of the fear that his son should not fail in future...and the obedient son agreed out of the fear of hurting his dad and dreams kept their mouth shut.

Continued....

 Did I ever force it on you?..then what in hell is the problem?(voice amplitude increased by the end)

ME:I m sorry dad..it won't happen next time...for sure.

Mr.aggarwal : Its okay ...I know what caused this...do better next time...

ME: (confused but at peace)sure dad!

Shocked by what he meant by this ..shocked by the abrupt end of this much-feared discussion, I turned back ...with a sigh of relief..the brain calming down and the heart pumping less.

 The husky  voice then spoke which washed away all hopes all dreams..

Seema!

Make sure his badminton racquets are kept in the store and never touched till college ends.

 The day ensured that Tarun's dream succumbed under the rocks of expectations and with a BROKEN HEART the journey to becoming the xerox of  Mr. Aggarwal (an accomplished MBBS doctor-HEART surgeon)  began.

Tarun's favorite dish was not made that day.

                                                        Let me ponder on the decisions 

                                                     Let me think  of what steps to take

                                                     You taught me how to watch those                                                                                                                                   dreams

                                                     now teach me how to put them  at stake

                                                     I am a fish that loves to swim and dive

                                                     Why force this fish to fly in the sky

                                                     I am a bird that loves to glide like a kite  

                                                     Why force this bird to drown and die

                                                       let us teach this world, this 'literate                                                                                                                                  crowd

                                                   That it's the fishes that swim and the birds                                                                                                                          that fly.

                                              

                                                   

                                                   

A sPiDeR's WeB.

 Amalgamated love

(A Spider's web)

It's a thorn filled road, it's a scale less map.

    It's a cheerful hell, it's a gloomy heaven.

It's a lawless land we've entered in,

wish a peaceful life you may get mayhem.

All those colors turn vibrant, all those romantic movies which you thought were hypothetical and nonsensical, suddenly seem to make sense. When sudden smiles occupy that gloomy face remembering just one single person. When 7.5 billion people minus a special one, cannot give you the feeling that you feel when you are with her. When your mornings find purpose and your nights find a companion. That's when you know you are entering into a whole new world, which the dictionary names love and I name a feeling, better left untagged. There are a lot of speculations about what love actually is? People keep asking themselves, are they truly in love or they 'Think" it is so?

I believe, stop judging your feelings, stop naming them. 

I have now started to believe that the mere fact that there can truly exist someone, other than family who has that nerve for you ,that care for you. One who finds your company ecstatic and your thoughts interesting. That's when you are filled with an utter sense of responsibility, that's when choosing clothes becomes difficult, that's when smelling good becomes a priority, that's when you start feeling your heartbeat. 

It's said,  "When two people in love, look at each other, their heartbeat synchronizes". How easy is it to keep looking at someone and not getting bored? For those who have never been to such a feeling,it's all crap. It's like God. You either believe in him or not. For an atheist feelings like devotion and prayers are all a waste of time, but for someone who has known his existence and believes in it, god becomes everything.

Love is a perpetual feeling of  wanting to keep one special person to yourself , to possess them with high-security codes, to cry to keep them with a childlike stick-to-itiveness, to laugh with them, to cry with them, to slap them once and to be beaten blue later and enjoy the same. A person is churned into a totally different persona , you do things which you previously tagged as 'works of mad'. No matter how angry you get, no matter how many times you feel like getting away from it, you are just glued to it  and you cannot let her go so damn easily. You invest time, you invest your soul, you invest all you got to prosper it, to save it, to get the best out of it.

Also, love is not a barter system. You can never wish or ask for the same amount in return. Its all about how much you can give in, how much you have in stock. Those fights, those shouts, those disappointments, those jealousies, those walk away's  are all a part of it.It's a ROLLER COASTER ride buddy, enter at your own risk.

A glimpse of what exactly happens is,

• Rise and fall of heartbeat seems to be a constant thing, we start feeling alive.
• Waiting for a message for hours and not taking a second to reply it so that they don't fly away, 
• Praying to god to please change that online below her name to typing, wishing for the phone to vibrate with her name, fighting them to say that you will never talk to them and then  you realize you are too weak to do that, and 5 mins later the hand automatically  types sorry, putting that ego aside, putting that self-respect aside.
• Rejecting that most favorite ice cream because she loves it too, so letting her have all of it.
• Sitting beside her to stare at the innocence and wish for one look from her, the feeling of utmost restlessness when she is online but not replying, the feeling of knowing you are getting desperate but yet not being able to stop yourself. 
• When that sudden sleeping over chats drives you a hot head, when expectations go to a very high level and  are broken with a very high frequency, when you are hurt like anything but its okay because she said sorry and that's all it takes to not get mad any further.
• When 400 messages from others matter nothing compared to 1 msg from her. 

That's when you know you are taken, that's when you know this time, it's real, that's when you realise what love can make you do, that's when someone who couldn't wait 5 mins no matter what, learns that good things are worth a wait, that's when you realize you could type this long and yet not get over with it, that's when possessiveness comes in, that's when a flirter becomes a one-way lover, that's when you loose control. Those are the lovely phases, that's when the heartbeat races.

It's the bounded room, I am playing in.

It's the open fields, I am dying for.

It's a SPIDER'S web, I've fallen in,

but it's the SPIDER, I've fallen for.

A mind boggling dream...

Last night a dream shook me up. It had the following shaky content. Mr.God showed up to me (who was sitting on an isolated bench in a forgotten land). He asked with no godlike voice "O poor boy! What worries you so much? I said, and I don't know how, but lets make it poetic.
                                                  Its a boring place, its a succumbing town,
                                                  Its a monotonous life that goes on and on.
                                                  I wake up each day and it seems like yesterday.
                                                  Every day is a twin of the previous day.
                                                  What is this place where i have to stay?
                                                   Gimme a better world is all i can pray.
Mr. God after hearing my awkward poem, smirked at my foolishness I guess and like the typical Bollywood flicks granted me a wish, poetically mocking me i guess...
                                                  Oh! poor lad...you are tired and sad
                                                  You've been so dull you've been so mad
                                                  I will help you smile i'll make u glad
                                                  I'll grant you a wish that no ones had.
                                                 You say your days are boring and its a monotonous life
                                                 I say lets shorten your day lets shorten your life
                                                 you will take birth at day you will die at night
                                                 from the very next day you will see this sight..
and there he vanishes like the Aladin's genie. Except for the heehee haha leaving me bewildered as to what just happened and then i smirked at his pompousness.I slept that night wondering what the morning brings and as soon as the clock struck 12 i find myself in a cradle and...i hear people say its boy its a boy....i was BORN.
An hour later I was said son get ready for school...and I said but mom i took birth like few moments back...and looked in the mirror to see i was still growing..all my childhood memories which i wished to cherish slowly with minimal pace were sprinting way ahead of me. Two hours hour later i was giving my board exams...i passed it and got brilliant marks but before i could celebrate i had to go to college....memories were flashing like a bullet train passes by..i wished i could do this a bit more i wish i could do that a bit more...a bit more child hood a bit more celebration and then came a boom.. and my dear grand mom passed away and before i could even think or cry she was being burnt...and i mourned to crave for a moment to cry. Another hour passed it was morning now i was placed in a company and was happy to go home and tell this to mom and dad and there i see they have fixed my marriage to a girl...god if only i had more time....i am married now and i thought lets just go to the washroom and wash my face and in a minute or so ill have ten kids maybe...i was full to brim and shouted on him....mr.god mr.god what an awful thought & what an awful world....i saw the mirror and the young dark man was now turning bald...i couldnot see that sight and out of fright went out to see that my son said loud...dad i am back from school....i am like...dude when were u born?....the day went by...when it was 11:45 at night i was 70 years old and i was signing the hospital bill to my 30 year old so that he could save his mom from the cancer she got...when the pen was brought and i gave a thought that this life was really short...i didn't love my son i didn't love my wife. Before i served them enough my folks both died....before signing that amount with which my wife was to live a few more days...i dozed off to an endless sleep....it was 00:00:00.
God stopped by in the same lawn where i waited , but this time with a big ? on my face as to what a foolish idea that was...i shouted at him....he said what do you want lad...i shortened your life i reduced your boredom ...i said i got your point you wise old man...at the end of life all i cared was ohh god...I wish i had a little more time.
Life is too short to waste your seconds on pity things...love your parents enough, love your children enough ...mourn for the passed away enough and celebrate the newcomers enough. Because who knows...KAL HO NA HO...
and after this srk touch in my dream i was shaken from tip to toe by my cute little mom....she said...wake up son..its 8 in the morning...and i was BORN, to get the most out of the day before I DIE at night.
Live your life enough
Coz we have a LOT of TIME.
                                                   
                                               
                                           
                                      

Dear Life!

DEAR LIFE!

Blazing heat, the silencing silences

the dripping drops of mournful sweat

this place is burning and becomes a threat

here the stars don't shine, but DAD I am fine.

You have sent me here, with a million dreams

but lies within, is my own little dream.

To be free of pain and a soul with screams

 here the stars don't shine, but MOM I am fine.

Tell the dazzling lights and those flying kites

don't come near me, don't show me sites.

I am bound to score, I'll be a bore.

Why worry, when no one's mine?

Here the stars don't shine, but BRO I am fine.

I won't utter a word, I'll become a nerd,

I won't cherish those days, when my wishes were heard.

I am living on rules, I am turning mad.

I was born free MOM, I will die chained DAD.

Here the stars don't shine, but GOD I am fine.

It's a satire on modern day education system which has shackled the dreams and hopes of youngsters. The way we hide our wishes behind what others expect out of us and become a puppet for life. Let's break those shackles and aim high to realize the beauty of existence and uniqueness that each individual carries within him/her.

Introduction- Random Thoughts

In the dim sky, when the sun tries to open its eye, it finds a boy who sleeps tight, having no fright of the impending challenges that the life has to bestow upon him. That care free soul is me. I am a 19 year old guy and am totally fed by people telling me how to live life and their flamboyant standards as to if you don't meet these standards you are not living life to its fullest.
I believe a person creates his own standards. For a mechanic the clutter of machines around him is life , for a businessman the deals he cracks and the green leaves that come  his way are life, for a painter the spectrum of colors is life and for this blogger trying everything to find his way to his passion is life. I feel that people have unnecessarily built up complexities in life. This world is very vast and I would love to know what difference would it make to the wide galaxies around if you score less in your chem exam or you get beaten up by a bully or your gf hooks up with some other guy betraying you...all these so called problems are  just an illusion and are temporary  peace-killers. what should matter is YOU and only YOU. Are you happy in the moment or not. If not, then what is the issue that makes you so. Is it worth it?

Do i really have to drop tears on a pity chem exam which wont matter after a month and on a bully whose beating taught me to be strong and on a girl who wasn't worth the love I gave her...All this was bound to happen so it happened and it will happen , the choice of expression is mine.i feel the only thing worth doing is to learn. and keep learning as the more you know the more you are wanted in this money driven world, your knowledge will keep you going and your attitude keeps you happy. we at any point cannot ignore the beauty of this world with oblivious origin.

When i was a kid i tried every thing, be it jumping from heights or putting my hand in fire, as i had no fear. We grow up and build boundaries, comforts, labels and we limit ourselves. we have a roaring audience of engineers , most of them purely unwilling to pursue the same(blogger included) but does that end my career, i thing engineering is worth a shot if not it was an experience , try another stream, there is no use running after money and when u get 50 you realize you should have done this or that and may be you would have been at a better place.
Life is a matter of choices, our own choices that will make us who we are and not that of what your father or the most respected figure in the family wanted you to be, lastly never end that curiosity on things, question every thing because you never know when you need the answers.
                                                           I question god, I question you
                                                           I question false I question true
                                                           I question aloud to the shouting crowd
                                                           I question the roads  we are heading to.